The Anti-Blogging Establishment
I want to begin by saying I really do believe the world of the Internet Blogger is made up of pretentious, self-righteous, pompous pricks who love nothing more than the cut of their own jib and the smell of their own farts. Most of these people typically adhere to a special form of narcissism usually reserved for our esteemed elected officials, over-paid, under-talented Hollywood types, or the over-paid, mentally challenged athletes, whom, by the way, are the worst culprits of this social phenomenon known as blogging. The only difference is, at least the thieves in Washington, Commies in LA., or the retards on your favorite city’s NBA team have people somewhere that are actually interested in what they have to say, no matter how inane or stupid it is. Whether they’re blogging about the latest misuse of taxpayer money, praising the new president about what a good job he’s doing fucking us all up the ass, or giving a vivid description of the size, color and smell of their last BM, someone’s always listening intently. Stephon Marbury recently posted a video blog of him eating Vaseline (no shit), and I heard about it on the radio, so you know people out there, for whatever unknown reason, care about every little thing famous people do. The average blogger, on the other hand, could talk about how they cured cancer while simultaneously plowing Jenna Jamison and winning the Nobel Peace Prize, along with the pictures and corresponding evidence to prove it, and no one would read it, because, guess what? Nobody cares about who you are, what you’ve done, and what you have to say.
I even hate the name: “Blogging”. It sounds like either some prissy asshole’s pet nickname for going number two or a creative way to give fellatio(see Blumpy).Take the name Twitter, or the phrase “Tweeting” for example. It sounds like a gay bird. If I ever heard one of my friends using either one of those two words, I’d have to punch them in the cock. Kid Rock had it right when he said that Twitter is gay-and you are too for using it.
So why, since I have such a disdain for bloggers and the blogging community, would I commit the ultimate sin of hypocrisy and start my own blog? I’ll tell you kiddies-it all comes down to intent. Do I intend for anyone to ever read this drivel, or more importantly, am I blinded by the misconception that people care what I have to say? Nope. I could give a shit if anyone ever reads this-matter of fact, I hope they never do. I don’t suffer from delusions of grandeur and I don’t have an over-inflated opinion of myself. I just need an outlet. And why not just start a journal, you ask? Well, my friends, because unlike a journal, blogging carries with it a certain amount of anonymity. A journal can always fall into the wrong hands, and when it does, not only will whoever finds mine know exactly who I am, but they’ll think I’m a raving lunatic for my slanted opinions and for directing a journal toward an audience. With a blog, I get to pretend I’m actually talking to someone, and I’ll have a venue where I can bitch and complain about whatever suits my fancy. Anyone I know could read it and still have no idea that it’s me unless I tell them about it. With this therapeutic release, I no longer have to embarrass my wife or frighten my children with my sudden bursts of outrage toward the general assholia I witness on a daily basis from my fellow man. It’s probably better for all that I unleash my fury on my keyboard rather than an unsuspecting crowd of innocent bystanders. Along the way I’ll also be posting things I think are funny, probably some boobies, and I’m thinking about having a Douche Bag of the Week contest. So, c’mon and join me if you like. Or don’t. Either way, I really don’t give a shit.
