This was written by a co-worker of mine and sent to the president and owner of our company, “nominating” me for extra-curricular duties-obviously, he thinks he’s humorous
Good evening Mr. Robbins-
I trust that you and your brood had a terrific Thanksgiving. After all, there is so much to be thankful for: The success of TCI amidst a troubled economy, the expansion of green energy, and of course, our collective health.
Yes, our health. Although it is of fantastic news that regular folks such as you and I take extra steps to protect and fortify such concerns, it is with no small amount of said worry that I fret over the relative health of my co-workers.
Of course, I wouldn’t waste your attention with such a bland statement anymore than I would bring donuts in lieu of bagels on a Friday. But I believe that an executive of your prowess can never go wrong taking an interest in well-being of a professional associate.
When I heard the news that you paid to have the mailroom carpeted to make space for an employee work-out room, I just about jumped for joy! At last my co-workers can take pride in working their muscles, boosting their physique, polishing strengths and building upon their weaknesses. Amen it is happening at last!
I understand that the encouragement and rewarding of healthy behavior is chief among concerns of the Executive office. Suffice it to say- You’ve always been the driving force behind the will of the company. And to say that your tireless dedication towards the achievement of athletic goals among your minions is beyond reproach.
That’s why I hope to lend council of upstanding quality. I hope to inspire you to encourage others to make TCI Business Capital the leanest, most physically-fit factoring outfit this side of Orange Commercial Capital with their mandatory vegan/Fallon Gong ways…
The ONLY- and I mean ONLY- distraction your ever-grateful and dedicated employees might face is 100% preventable: Mr. Robbins, I fear that an inappropriately constructed and poorly maintained Gym can cause a wave of professional/personal/spiritual setbacks so detrimental among the average employee that the consequences may sink the TCI ship for good!
Of course, I’m not here to engage your attention with the minutiae of setting the example for all to follow. What I am suggesting, Good Sir, is the implementation, recognition, and promotion of my fellow co-worker Michael Gerard to head up the official “TCI: On The Move To Make Some Moves” gymnasium resurrection program.
Specifically, Mr. Gerard’s unquestioned dedication to download, deduct, and construct each and every piece of TCI’s gym equipment shows the exact kind of chutzpah your employees need to improve their own health in concert with the health of the company. Not only symbiotic- Mr. Gerard would be calculatingly patriotic- supposing that we all see TCI as not just a company… but truly a sovereign nation in the world of business: An endlessly righteous source of employment opportunity and bastion of American know-how!
God Bless America! God bless push-ups!
Back to my exaltation of Mr. Gerard and his ceaseless will to retain the optimum physicality of his co-workers: I sincerely doubt that neither he, nor his brethren could see a downside to his Singular and Solo oversight towards moving TCI gym equipment. Every job has a man- And this job screams “Mike Gerard!”
For the betterment of all departments, I urge you, Mr. Robbins, to appoint and anoint Mr. Mike Gerard the One and Only person allowed to disassemble, organize, carry, reassemble and personally test all of the equipment that can make TCI Business Capital the company you envisioned so many years ago!
(Between you and I: Mr. Gerard should be held towards performing his daily duties in completion. I would never suggest that an employee should ever be asked to give up their daily regimen as fodder for the greater good. And I think that I know that you know that he will be excited to complete his extra duties in full… no matter the extra time he must sacrifice without thought or despair.)
So it is with this note that I implore you to assign the best man for the job. Not just for me, or for you: But for all!
Thank you for taking the time to bend your ear for a wave of reason in a sea of sloth and heft: Mike Gerard! Mike Gerard! Mike Gerard!
Yours, Ever-grateful,
Andrew DE Miller
